Forsaken
by Trix a.k.a F5C
Summary: A Mitsui fic... about his life the gangster way and his troubles... a one shot


Title: Forsaken 1/1  
  
Author: F5C  
  
Genre: Non-yaoi  
  
Pairing: None actually  
  
Archive: no where so far  
  
E-mail: chatterbox_shil@yahoo.com.  
  
It's a songfic. song by soul asylum. It's called Runaway Train.  
  
~*~  
  
*Call you up in the middle of the night*  
  
*Like a firefly without a light*  
  
Huddled up in the dark corner of my room, I clutch at the phone for dear life. At this point it has become my only lifeline, the only thing still keeping me sane. I listen as the ring tone echoes over and over again in my ear. Why won't you pick up?  
  
*You were there like a slow torch burning*  
  
*I was a key that could use a little turning*  
  
You've always been there for me, so where are you now when I need you. I glance at the clock. 4am. No sensible person is awake at this hour. I gently place the phone back in its cradled and on hearing the click I feel the thin threads that were holding me together snap.  
  
*So tired that I couldn't even sleep*  
  
*So many secrets I couldn't keep*  
  
I stare at the ceiling searchingly. How did this ever happen? At one point there was so much to look forward to. now, there's nothing. Scratch. What did I do wrong? Why can't I change it? All my dreams have shattered into oblivion and now here I lie, all alone, trying to cope by myself. But how can I. after all I am only human.  
  
*Promised myself I wouldn't weep*  
  
*One more promise I couldn't keep*  
  
I can never go back. I'm not wanted. No. that's not it. I'm not needed anymore. No! I won't! Not again! I'm not weak, I'm strong. I grin at that thought, yeah I am so strong I think sarcastically and that's why I am now here in this condition. I feel the salty liquid trickle down my cheeks in thin rivulets. Why do I keep on crying? Why can't I just let go? ~*~  
  
*It seems no one can help me now*  
  
*I'm in too deep*  
  
I look at the thick red liquid dripping from my hand. I love the feel of it. I love the power that it pumps into my being on sight and feel. I clench my fist and deliver another iron blow, suddenly empowered by the sight of that liquid.  
  
*There's no way out*  
  
*This time I have really led myself astray*  
  
I look at the body crouched at my feet. I hear the howls of pain and once again, I feel it. That surge of energy. It is the next best thing to an adrenaline rush. But it is still only the 'next' and it always will remain that way. Without thinking twice I deliver another series of bone breaking kicks to the already battered body at my feet, trying to desperately distract my thoughts.  
  
~*~  
  
*Runaway train never going back*  
  
*Wrong way on a one way track*  
  
*Seems like I should be getting somewhere*  
  
*Somehow I'm neither here no there * ~*~  
  
*Can you help me remember how to smile*  
  
*Make it somehow all seem worthwhile*  
  
I've always loved the sea, ever since I was a kid. The tranquility which is possesses on a day such as this is contagious. I brush my now long hair, away from my face. A lot of good that does, as in a few seconds it is once again whipping at my cheeks. I stare out into the clear blue horizon in silence. So where's the answer to my question?  
  
*How on earth did I get so jaded*  
  
*Life's mystery seems so faded*  
  
It seems so long ago. Two years. I sigh dejectedly, shaking my head trying to rid myself of these disturbing thoughts. I love these moments to myself, without 'them' hovering around me. They, who watch my every move and note my every breath, I sigh once again, my so called image, one which I sacrificed everything for, to think that it would shatter in a blink of an eye if they were to see me like this. Then all would be in vain, right? I smile sadly as I ponder the new complexities of my life. What ever happened to me?  
  
*I can go where no one else can go*  
  
*I know what no one else knows*  
  
I stand outside your door. I use to do everything for you. I smile sadly as I see your jolly form appear in front of the door. Sensei. what do I do now? How can I get out of this mess? How will it all turn out? Why weren't you there when I needed you?  
  
*Here I am just drowning' in the rain*  
  
*With a ticket for a runaway train*  
  
I walk away from your house once again. but this will be the last time. You were never there when I needed you the most. I didn't know what to do that night and yet, when I called you for help you didn't answer. I was in the dark, grabbing for even the thinnest thread, but all that happened in the end was the dark readily swallowing me as a whole. Never did you help.  
  
*Everything is cut and dry*  
  
*Day and night, earth and sky*  
  
*Somehow I just don't believe it*  
  
~*~  
  
*Runaway train never going back*  
  
*Wrong way on a one way track*  
  
*Seems like I should be getting somewhere*  
  
*Somehow I'm neither here no there * ~*~  
  
'Never give up till the last second' isn't that what you said. I may have believed that at one point but now, what's the point? I am lost as lost can get!  
  
*Bought a ticket for a runaway train*  
  
*Like a madman laughin' at the rain*  
  
I guess my need to please you was my destruction. I guess my idolism of you was my fall. Nothing will ever change it. You were my downfall. Yet, no matter how much I think of it, I'll never hate you for it.  
  
*Little out of touch, little insane*  
  
*Just easier than dealing with the pain*  
  
I stare at the jersey that I keep. This is the only thing I now have left of my past dreams. Why do I still have it? I chug it away, not wanting to ponder the memories that surface along with it. I hear the phone and glance at the clock. 11.30pm. It's most probably the guys. I spare the jersey a last fleeting glance before slamming the door shut and leaving. Why bother about the past? What's done is done!  
  
~*~  
  
*Runaway train never going back*  
  
*Wrong way on a one way track*  
  
*Seems like I should be getting somewhere*  
  
*Somehow I'm neither here no there * ~*~  
  
*Runaway train never comin' back*  
  
The well built body of a young man appeared in the alley, leading a group of three guys.  
  
*Runaway train tearin' up the track*  
  
Shouts, scream and howls filled the alley. The floor was littered with the battered bodies of the guys who had dared oppose and insult this man.  
  
*Runaway train burnin' in my veins*  
  
The man was seen staring down at the bloodied bodies on the ground. Pure satisfaction gleamed in his eyes, while a smirk was plastered on his face.  
  
*Runaway but it always seems the same*  
  
He walked away still in front of the group, after all he was the leader. The smirk was now a smile and inwardly he knew that no matter how much he wanted to change things, it'd never happen.  
  
~OWARI~  
  
I'm sleepy And I'm brooding over my inability to get sleep *growls* Err. y'all did get the fact that it was micchy right?? *shakes head*  
  
Newayz me luv this song My brother , the 2nd one, usually plays it one the guitar and we sing the song together I really love this song Sadistic aren't I?? *grins* Newayz tell me what you think Ciao *Tries to go get sleep* 


End file.
